SPACED OUT
where has all the time gone? march has silently ushered me into my fourth month of gainful employ without consent nor awareness. time’s inexorable momentum feels almost like a physical force when life marches rhythmically to deadlines and schedules. it is most alarming and so i insist the dramatic ebb of personal time when one moves from a buoyant, almost reckless culture to the mandated rigours of worklife must be cushioned by some sort of detached mindlessness. as i tread the same landscapes repeatedly and as sleep and journeys overlap at the end of days my mind is at large, my heart is not here. wrapping hypothetical pockets of space tightly around myself in defense, i am ridiculously separated from reality.
MORE LUCID, LESS FUTILE
What matter? Why, it will not hurt at all,
Our youth is supple, and the world is sand.
- Three Rompers, Wilfred Owen
WISDOM WOES
almost almost sure that this works by way of smarting SO badly normal ulcer pain seems bearable in the end.
CITYLIGHT DINER
september was nomadic, a now-memory of transitory faces and places where i should but did not rest. workerly resolution notwithstanding, i landed myself first in a horrifying quasi-dictatorship world of office cubicles and canteens, left in four days for the infinitely more comforting ghetto that is twigmedia, which i left again after a fortnight for the f1 grand prix in the wonderful, exhilarating city.
the latter concluded together with the month at a quiet house party for six, where H and i coaxed our minds into delirious whirlwinds over champagne and f-language. in the balcony above the singapore river i dropped all bohemian pretense and decide that this is where i want to be, where i need to work towards. overlooking tiny lives and amidst monolithic skyscrapers, feeling the pulse of a million glittering lights.
I AM ALWAYS WHERE I SHOULDN’T BE
for a “creative type”, i am aptly wary of employment, choosing to live out an undisturbed, indulgent, non-sequiter of a lifestyle through slathering my furniture in white paint. shamefully domestic for my age yet going out has been chipping at my energy like never before – dense suburban malls, super-processed food, navigating the hellish walk around orchard ion… anyway self-guilt at jinesh’s “two internships for summer ONLY” and hazel’s adamant six-month-negligible-pay affair has conscience-bitten me into pursuing my own sweatshop glory. productivity, hark me!
BONNY AND BLITHE, GOOD AND GAY
this is the birthday wishlist verbalised after loads of procrastination and ruminating and, seeing as my special day’s just a breath away, should and will function as a generic wishlist instead..
1. white chloé orthopedics
2. a wooden desk with french affectations, of the variety that dominate modern decorating blogs.
3. another bolster. the best sleep for me happens deep within a pillow pileup, warm weather notwithstanding.
4. luxurious bedsheets
5. an idiotproof sewing machine. owing to an unfortunate habit of not trying clothes at the store, due in part to my resolutely digging though Great Singapore Sale and flea market troughs, in part to impatience, half the hangers in my wardrobe bear tactile, pretty but generally misshapen swathes.
6. Alexander Girard Book by House Industries
7. Fables Covers by James Jean
8. old issues of Martha Stewart Weddings – for their delicious pictures =)
9. Mondofragile
10. Mondofragile 2
11. a livin’ clawin’ powderpuff to jolt silas out of his eighteen-hour daily stupor. i’m partial towards british shorthair kittens and lush coats. call it insurance, call it mercenary ; being awful with heartbreaks, i’m bent on getting a new kitty every four-five years to, in theory, somewhat offset the inevitable passing of the oldest. silas played dead in an empty pillowcase once and i very nearly went into cardiac arrest.
12. but a LION will do, really.
13. Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T700, may the previous camera rest in peace. it split down its middle after years of abuse!
14. Ricoh CX1
15. Canon EF 50mm f2.5 compact macro lens
16. sketchbooks usually make up a substantial percentage of my expenditure/birthday haul so if anything at all, one might as well make it a limited edition helvetica moleskine.
17. mascara
18. the miscellaneous usuals like wit, courage, laughter, fortitude, happiness, good productivity, good grace, shining eyes, world dominion, sambal kangkong and french fries cooked in tangerine sauce!
image trove: DKIMAGES PICTOPIA HOUSE IND. PROCESSRECESS NUBBYTWIGLET FOTORIESEL HARBORLINEN SANTAROSA
TRUFFLE BOB
latest in a heartbreaking series of failed haircuts – this was us fresh from the hairdressers’ when it was still flouncy and glossy, when in most major aspects it qualified as a “Bob”. because of my regrettable ability and patience with the hairdryer, Bob has now eased emphatically into Mop-mode.
GUILT TRIP
this has been shamefully accounting for a general lapse in productivity. i have such undiscerning, pedestrian (yes, jinesh) non-taste in indulgences – fast food, channel eight dramas, reclusivity, franchaise sushi and, now, futile facebook games. life tends to turn out grossly improportionate to how hard one tries though. it’s dealt me some lovely, languid projects for june-july while the brother, who spends eleven hours in school daily, just got his scholarship application precluded for snacking in his practise room. it makes me want to cry foul.
MURPHY’S LAW
the father brings home lovely stacks of notepads all the time and i am keeping at least three journals running concurrently but these random tons of paper lying around never seem to lie around when you really need them, and you end up buying more or (in a fit of miserly pique) using your palms in exasperation.
